There are moments in my life that I absolutely hate who I have become in the strangest ways. I dislike the things that most women are proud to say and be. I hate that I am a sell out. I got married which I did not plan for nor did I think I ever wanted. My plan in life was to graduate college, move out/away, rent an apartment, and work full time. Sooner or later, I would go back to school and continue climbing the corporate ladder. As for a husband- that was an non-existing thought. Having a boyfriend? Yes but, not too serious. Kids, were never even a thought in my head. Nor was buying a house so young. As for religion, I seriously thought I would go through my life knowing there is something but, being unclear on who or why; was the perfect idea for me. I liked not knowing. This was my idea life. This was the life I dreamt of, the one that when life became tough I thought about for peace. I could escape; by myself. But, at alas, this was before I meant my husband. I have learned as much as you think your plan in life is excellent; God often does not. What is my reality, you ask? I am married, living in our home as I work, take care of my parents, and run bible studies. I became that girl. The girl I was always so disappointed in. The girl I looked down upon because she followed what society told her to be. I never wanted to end up here; yet I am. I often rationalize my decisions in life to make myself feel like I followed my own path. I mean after all, I am in an industry that is mainly male gender. And I purchase my house at the age of 21. Oh, and I got married when I was 20. See, different. Right? Well, as much as I hope that makes me different and out of the norm; it doesn’t. This ideal life I created is not ideal because jealousy will always exist. Being single will always be easier. And I will have to live with the knowledge that I sold out because I was in love. Stacey, I get where youre coming from. I feel sometimes like I “sold out” too. House in the ‘burbs, brunch, anchors around your chest keeping you from pulling up roots. Then I remember that I have two fantastic dogs and an amazing wife living in that house with me. And I’m eating brunch with people I love. And the “anchor” isn’t an anchor at all, it’s a family of in-laws that can stand to see each other more than once a year. I remember being single and longing for someone to know who I really was, someone to understand me and challenge me and make me want to be a better man than the one I was. and I was blessed even beyond that. God gave me you, when I was least expecting it - when I had planned for an entirely different lifestyle. I am so glad he did. Every coin has two sides. Sometimes it’s too easy to see the negative things about when my life is. I have to sometimes force myself to choose to see the positives that God has brought me. I know his plans for me are so beyond my understanding, oh me who tries to lay out my future like a map and gets so ornery when my plans go awry. That’s why we count our blessings every night - because if we didn’t, I might miss them and unjustly think my life is something less meaningful and full of joy than it actually is. “The grass is always greener on the other side”, they say. I love you. I know you think that maybe you’re not where you wanted to be, but I promise that you’re exactly where you ought to be. God isn’t done with us, and he uses you as a force for positivity if you let him - the way people notice you act different around the office, the way you take care of your parents, the way you make people smile. The way you have provided for two homeless dogs, and the way you’ve provided so much for me in so many ways. It’s time for me to provide for you. This next weekend is our vacation weekend - lets go to San Diego, love. Time to forget about the world for awhile. always yours.
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There are moments in my life that I absolutely hate who I have become in the strangest ways. I dislike the things that most women are proud to say and be.

I hate that I am a sell out. I got married which I did not plan for nor did I think I ever wanted. My plan in life was to graduate college, move out/away, rent an apartment, and work full time. Sooner or later, I would go back to school and continue climbing the corporate ladder. As for a husband- that was an non-existing thought. Having a boyfriend? Yes but, not too serious. Kids, were never even a thought in my head. Nor was buying a house so young. As for religion, I seriously thought I would go through my life knowing there is something but, being unclear on who or why; was the perfect idea for me. I liked not knowing.

This was my idea life. This was the life I dreamt of, the one that when life became tough I thought about for peace. I could escape; by myself. But, at alas, this was before I meant my husband. I have learned as much as you think your plan in life is excellent; God often does not. What is my reality, you ask? I am married, living in our home as I work, take care of my parents, and run bible studies. I became that girl. The girl I was always so disappointed in. The girl I looked down upon because she followed what society told her to be. I never wanted to end up here; yet I am.

I often rationalize my decisions in life to make myself feel like I followed my own path. I mean after all, I am in an industry that is mainly male gender. And I purchase my house at the age of 21. Oh, and I got married when I was 20. See, different. Right?

Well, as much as I hope that makes me different and out of the norm; it doesn’t. This ideal life I created is not ideal because jealousy will always exist. Being single will always be easier. And I will have to live with the knowledge that I sold out because I was in love.


Stacey,

I get where youre coming from. I feel sometimes like I “sold out” too. House in the ‘burbs, brunch, anchors around your chest keeping you from pulling up roots.

Then I remember that I have two fantastic dogs and an amazing wife living in that house with me. And I’m eating brunch with people I love. And the “anchor” isn’t an anchor at all, it’s a family of in-laws that can stand to see each other more than once a year. I remember being single and longing for someone to know who I really was, someone to understand me and challenge me and make me want to be a better man than the one I was. and I was blessed even beyond that.

God gave me you, when I was least expecting it - when I had planned for an entirely different lifestyle. I am so glad he did.

Every coin has two sides. Sometimes it’s too easy to see the negative things about when my life is. I have to sometimes force myself to choose to see the positives that God has brought me. I know his plans for me are so beyond my understanding, oh me who tries to lay out my future like a map and gets so ornery when my plans go awry. That’s why we count our blessings every night - because if we didn’t, I might miss them and unjustly think my life is something less meaningful and full of joy than it actually is. “The grass is always greener on the other side”, they say.

I love you. I know you think that maybe you’re not where you wanted to be, but I promise that you’re exactly where you ought to be. God isn’t done with us, and he uses you as a force for positivity if you let him - the way people notice you act different around the office, the way you take care of your parents, the way you make people smile. The way you have provided for two homeless dogs, and the way you’ve provided so much for me in so many ways.

It’s time for me to provide for you. This next weekend is our vacation weekend - lets go to San Diego, love. Time to forget about the world for awhile.

always yours.

(via staypozitive)

Source: michaelfaudet

There is a time in the Logistics Industry that work slows down and it becomes quiet and peaceful. Peak season is over. It is finally time, to do everything at work that was not as important. This peaceful time isn’t very long because once the clam before the storm hits—very big things head our way. This quiet time came about two weeks ago and ever since, work has been Hell. During this time, all of the managers meet up and talk about the last year; the good the bad the ugly. It’s peaceful as they talk and it gives everyone a fresh breath of, “we survived another year” type of feeling. However, the managers do not stay away-they come back and that’s when the storm hits. The storm hits a team a week. Driver Managers, dispatch, operation support, customer service and equipment. They work through the territories destroying every relief feeling you had about the last year. You are grouped in teams and no matter what you did right, if your team member did wrong you are in the wrong. You all take the beating. Ultimately this peaceful quiet time that occurred two weeks ago, leads you to believe you failed as a strong worker even though it is not true. This is where I am at. Lucky me, I am on three teams so I get the ultimate smack down. Last week was brutal. If it was not for this Memorial Day, I would had asked to use a vacation day. So cheers, for God sending me a day off when it is greatly needed. And here is another cheers in hopes that tomorrow is a new fresh beautiful day.
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There is a time in the Logistics Industry that work slows down and it becomes quiet and peaceful. Peak season is over. It is finally time, to do everything at work that was not as important. This peaceful time isn’t very long because once the clam before the storm hits—very big things head our way.

This quiet time came about two weeks ago and ever since, work has been Hell. During this time, all of the managers meet up and talk about the last year; the good the bad the ugly. It’s peaceful as they talk and it gives everyone a fresh breath of, “we survived another year” type of feeling. However, the managers do not stay away-they come back and that’s when the storm hits.

The storm hits a team a week. Driver Managers, dispatch, operation support, customer service and equipment. They work through the territories destroying every relief feeling you had about the last year. You are grouped in teams and no matter what you did right, if your team member did wrong you are in the wrong. You all take the beating. Ultimately this peaceful quiet time that occurred two weeks ago, leads you to believe you failed as a strong worker even though it is not true.

This is where I am at. Lucky me, I am on three teams so I get the ultimate smack down. Last week was brutal. If it was not for this Memorial Day, I would had asked to use a vacation day.

So cheers, for God sending me a day off when it is greatly needed. And here is another cheers in hopes that tomorrow is a new fresh beautiful day.

(via spiritualinspiration)

They are back. The heart racing, the sweat palms, the shaking of the legs, and that deep feeling in my gut and heart that I cannot shake. Welcome back Panic Attacks, you have not been missed in this town. They come and go as they please, they hit you when life is going perfect just to knock you down. Or they will hit you harder when you are already listening to “sweater” by Weezer. It really is a love hate relationship i have with panic attacks. Love? I know, who could love a panic attack? Well, someone who has had them for more than half of their life. It is a strange feeling and thought to say out loud but, it is the reality. I love knowing I feel. See, I often put walls up around my heart to keep my gift God has given me to myself. I know that if I give my gift to anyone it makes me more vulnerable. So instead of having me look weak in my point of view; i hide it. Panic attacks makes me feel every emotion that has been in my heart and mind that I refused or refusing to listen to; past, present, and future. However, there is the hate side of this relationship that often outweighs the love. Sometimes they can occur at work or when you are surround by family members. You hate them when they are most inconsiderate to you. You cannot call your support system. You cannot write it out and meditate. The only thing you can do is suck it up and try and focus on something you hear in the background. Often finding this saving grace sound is the hardest. My panic attacks comes and goes as it pleases. It is truly that bad family member that pops up when they need help yet run away when you are in need yourself. On the other hand, as much as my panic attacks knock me down, they make me face my gift God gave me that I want to keep to myself. A gift that I should share with the world but, I am too afraid to do so.
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They are back. The heart racing, the sweat palms, the shaking of the legs, and that deep feeling in my gut and heart that I cannot shake. Welcome back Panic Attacks, you have not been missed in this town.

They come and go as they please, they hit you when life is going perfect just to knock you down. Or they will hit you harder when you are already listening to “sweater” by Weezer. It really is a love hate relationship i have with panic attacks.

Love? I know, who could love a panic attack? Well, someone who has had them for more than half of their life. It is a strange feeling and thought to say out loud but, it is the reality. I love knowing I feel. See, I often put walls up around my heart to keep my gift God has given me to myself. I know that if I give my gift to anyone it makes me more vulnerable. So instead of having me look weak in my point of view; i hide it. Panic attacks makes me feel every emotion that has been in my heart and mind that I refused or refusing to listen to; past, present, and future. However, there is the hate side of this relationship that often outweighs the love.

Sometimes they can occur at work or when you are surround by family members. You hate them when they are most inconsiderate to you. You cannot call your support system. You cannot write it out and meditate. The only thing you can do is suck it up and try and focus on something you hear in the background. Often finding this saving grace sound is the hardest.

My panic attacks comes and goes as it pleases. It is truly that bad family member that pops up when they need help yet run away when you are in need yourself. On the other hand, as much as my panic attacks knock me down, they make me face my gift God gave me that I want to keep to myself. A gift that I should share with the world but, I am too afraid to do so.

Next week, I get to see my deuromotoglist to find out about some possible skin cancer cells on my head. I told Derek that if it is we will have to come up with a new name for it..the fact that I might have a type of cancer that my Grandpa was killed from….is something I can’t handle.
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Next week, I get to see my deuromotoglist to find out about some possible skin cancer cells on my head. I told Derek that if it is we will have to come up with a new name for it..the fact that I might have a type of cancer that my Grandpa was killed from….is something I can’t handle.